Vengeance
by inferablefiend
Summary: Shepard just lost Thane. She's heart-broken, and wanting to take her life. Can Garrus talk her from the edge?
Shepard pulled the band out of her hair and twisted it onto her wrist. The pain reminded her of the present, but it couldn't help with the internal pain that threatened to rip her apart and kill her inside out. Tears rolled down her face, tasting of salt and disappointment. She slammed her fist into the wall of her quarters, sobs escaping her body.

Why did he have to die? Wasn't there enough research done to rescue him? Cerberus brought her back to life, but they couldn't fix a simple lung problem. Oh, God, it hurt so much. She clutched her chest. Shepard leaned against the wall and slid down it, putting her head between her legs. Tears fell onto the floor, making small puddles.

No. No! She couldn't believe it. She got up, suddenly energized. Could they bring him back? Could they fix what was wrong with him? Maybe there was research to revitalize his body and rebuild his lungs. He just couldn't be gone. He couldn't.

There was no cure, Shepard knew that. It was completely irrational to think he could be brought back to life. But it _wasn't_ fair.

She couldn't protect him, not even from that assassin. She watched him go down, blood pouring from his middle. Anger bubbled deep in her stomach. Red hot, it threatened to rise up through her throat. That assassin, whoever the fuck he was, would die. Only Shepard couldn't stay and help him. Nor could she go after the assassin first. She had to go after the council, but she wondered if it was her fault for not having that much time with him. She wondered how he would've died if he had never fallen in love with her. Perhaps this would be less painful if she didn't love him. Those butterflies never went away.

But that was impossible. That couldn't be avoided. Shepard ran a hand through her hair, pulling on the ends. Pain reared its ugly head and skipped up her scalp. It didn't quite hurt like it should've. The ends of her hair should've been burning, begging to be cut from her head. It should have hurt more when she pulled.

Shepard slammed her fist into the wall. She bit down on her lip to keep from screaming. It was a good pain though. The kind that throbbed constantly, almost to the beat of her heart. It felt like someone crushed it under a hammer over and over again. Her door whooshed open. There stood Garrus, his mouth hung open, a clear look of disbelief clear on his face. She was quite sure she was a sight. No one, not even him, had ever seen her cry. Her face felt tight and sticky from the tears. A headache begun in her right eye socket. It spread to the edges of her brow, moving upward to meet her hairline. Her brow and eye felt tight and hot. It almost burned to put a cooling hand to it.

 _I'll meet you across the sea._ His words echoed in her head and a fresh batch of tears burst from her eyes. What if he met her sooner than he planned? Her gun beckoned on the table. She picked it up, examining it. "Garrus, you shouldn't be here."

Garrus wrenched the gun from her and tossed it across the room. "I have every right to be here Odessa Shepard. Especially when I can see what you're thinking." He stayed where he was, his talons stretched out towards her. "The galaxy needs you."

"And I need Thane. It's not fair, Garrus. I lost him. The time I could've spent with him was spent on Earth."

Garrus put his hand on her shoulder. She peered up at him, a friend in the darkness. "None of this is your fault. Thane would want you to finish this."

"Damnit, Garrus. You're right."

Even as he had said that and it seemed like she agreed with him. Shepard sped towards the gripped her arm wrenching it from its socket. He wrapped strong arms around her, pushing her head into his chest. It was a moment of weakness, these suicidal thoughts of her. Garrus's hug felt warm. It stirred up feelings she thought she had put to bed a long time ago. How could she be thinking of suicide? It was a selfish act and Shepard prided herself by not being selfish. By protecting everyone at all cost, even with her life. She doubted she could do this alone. Garrus needed to be there for the ride. Shepard could hear Garrus's heartbeat through his chest. It pounded rhythmically, surprisingly grounding her to the _Normandy_.

Garrus pushed her back, blue eyes meeting blue. There was some connection. Some long lost emotion she couldn't quite name. "This war is bigger than one person. You said that, Shepard. See this through.. Save the galaxy. Stay with me, please." Garrus was right. She hated it when the turian was right.

He wasn't being romantic, though it might seem to some from the outside. Another fresh batch of tears rolled down her face. "Thane wouldn't want you to kill yourself after his death, Shepard."

No, he wouldn't. Thane would be angry with her for being so weak when so many needed her. When it was obvious Garrus needed her. And perhaps she needed him, more than she thought. Perhaps there was more to this than met the eye in the first place. Confusion settled across her body. How could she be in love with both Garrus and Thane? Where did the emotions for Garrus come from? She knew she loved him when they were fighting Sovereign and Saren, but it wasn't fair to the mission to become selfish and see if that led anywhere.

Shepard looked into his eyes more intently. The turian was hard to read. Emotions rarely crossed his face. She would do it for him, if no one else.

"Let's go kick some assassin and Reaper ass, Garrus."

 _I'll see you across the sea, Thane. Perhaps that will be soon._

 **A/N: Just a one-shot drabble. I bawled as I wrote this. Perhaps that's why it reads as desperate. I would also like to thank my beta, MizDirection for helping me with everything and putting up with my speedy writing and the lack of grammar or spelling. Anyway, hoped you enjoyed it.**


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